The Abomination

• Added a ladder onto the Abomination — riders climb aboard now instead of relying on the wobbly Harbor Freight platform.
• Climbing on is officially a procedure instead of an improvisation.

• Added guardrails around the entire top platform.

• Offset the ramp to lean further right, correcting a launch angle that kept flinging riders into the guardrails.

• Doubled the slide's width so it finally matches the Slip & Slide — the handoff from ramp to slide is now seamless.
• Assorted stability improvements throughout.

• Widened the top platform from 2 ft to 4 ft and finally stabilized it.
• The slide surface itself is unchanged for now — still 2 ft wide; widening the whole slide to match is the marquee job for the next major version.

First time I actually used a small right-angle triangle square and a tape measure. Almost certainly a coincidence that you can no longer stand at the top and feel it rock side to side.

• Staple-gunned the ramp's fabric down along its full length before a gust of wind peeled it up mid-session and handed a riderv390 splinters.
• Fabric is now fastened at tight intervals so it stays a ramp surface instead of moonlighting as an improvised sail.
• Exposed OSB re-covered and pinned down; the splinter delivery pipeline is officially decommissioned.

390 is the family-reported figure. Management has elected not to independently verify it.

• Following an unfortunate event that may or may not have caused 3 injuries spread across 2 people, added a legit wooden bumper to the slide-side of the ramp.
• Independence Day: now with 100% more guardrail.

The math on that sentence is not something we're prepared to discuss.

• Flared out the bottom of the ramp so it works on a flat surface instead of demanding perfect alignment with the slide.
• The slide itself is no longer 'blocked' by its own launch ramp.

Two structures, finally on speaking terms.

• Extended the ramp by 2 ft lengthwise so its slope better matches the slide.
• Softened the incline from a knee-buckling 45° down to a merely spicy 34°.

Eleven degrees of pure quality-of-life.

• Rebuilt from scratch with a brand-new design and mostly non-scrap wood.
• Finally looked legit — while remaining, spiritually, a death trap.
• Specs: 4 ft tall, 2 ft wide, and WAY too steep.
• Test runs confirmed the slope was much steeper than the slide itself: extremely fun, deeply uncomfortable landings.

Form: achieved. Function: negotiable.

• Retrieved the Abomination from under the building, where it had been sulking.
• Several pieces had snapped during its exile, somehow making it an even bigger eyesore.
• Fixed what could be fixed. Made peace with the rest.

The throw caused more damage than any rider ever would.

• Threw the entire Abomination under the building, specifically so no one could use it.
• A rare project decommissioned for everyone's safety exactly one day into its life.

Out of sight, out of the ER.

• Assembled entirely from scrap wood and a genuinely alarming amount of hope.
• Jagged screws pointed in every direction at once. Looking directly at it hurt.
• Against all reason it worked — while quietly raising the chief engineer's blood pressure every time his daughter stood near it.

It functioned. That was, generously, its only feature.