The Slip & Slide

• Laid clear plastic sheeting down the entire length of the slide — easily the fastest material that we have.
• The tarps underneath are completely gone. The stack is now OSB → vapor barrier → clear plastic sheet.
• Fewer seams, less drag, more speed.

• Added roughly 80 ft of slide, bringing the total to about 240 ft.

• Added a bumper to the newly extended runway, because we've learned exactly one lesson and we're applying it everywhere.

Independence Day. Freedom from flying off the runway.

• Extended the startup ramp for a longer, faster approach.
• Cleaned up leftover structural damage caused by the Abomination.

The Abomination's own file is still being compiled. It has notes.

• The slide sat idle for a while and earned itself a once-over.
• Re-inspected the whole structure: re-tightened hardware, smoothed the fabric, and confirmed nothing had warped into a new hazard.

It behaved itself while nobody was looking.

• Stripped and re-laid every tarp so that every square inch of exposed wood is now covered.
• Result: a safer, more stable, genuinely comfortable ride surface.
• Extended the slide by up to ~50 feet of new fabric.

From 'sheet of plywood with ambitions' to 'actual water park.'

• Following a documented foot injury from the new wooden bumpers, wrapped each bumper in vertically-split pool noodles.
• Bumpers went from 'load-bearing hazard' to 'huggable.'

The bumpers now hurt your dignity instead of your foot.

• Rebuilt the bumper system into actual wooden bumpers that keep riders on the slide.
• Riders now stay aboard for the entire ride instead of ejecting prematurely.
• Assorted stability improvements throughout the structure.

The slide now contains its passengers. Revolutionary.

• Re-drove every screw that had backed itself out of the OSB during launch week.
• Tightened the frame until it stopped making 'the noise.'
• Swept the ride surface for splinters, staples, and other uninvited passengers.

A boring update. Boring is the goal. Boring means nobody's bleeding.

• Added a big tarp at the end so riders stop trudging back up the hill covered in grass-shard road rash.
• A proper runoff zone is now designated. Attendance is mandatory; it finds you.

Blood-per-ride metric down significantly.

• Screwed assorted scrap-wood pieces onto the left side to make the slide deliberately off-balance.
• This counters the naturally off-balance hill, so riders stop sliding off the left edge into a sharp corner.
• Two wrongs, it turns out, make a slightly safer right.

Structural philosophy: vibes, corrected by more vibes.

• Removed the end-ramp death trap that had been launching younger family members into the grass.
• Restored a smooth transition directly into the nice, soft grass. (Sarcasm.)

Casualties: forgiven. Mostly.

• Shipped the morning of the event it was built for, because deadlines are just aggressive suggestions.
• Planned with 'help' from ChatGPT, which mostly meant shutting down its worst ideas one at a time.
• One slipped through: against the builder's better judgment, it talked him into tightening the end of the slide into a ramp — turning the exit into an unscheduled launch event.

The ramp worked. Unfortunately, it worked ON the children.